Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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