all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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