Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
