i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The power of my boobs compel you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize