Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
