4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
