apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
