I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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