6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
