I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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