I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
