I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
