Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
