Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize