good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
