I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
