Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
