Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
