Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
