i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
