Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
