I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
4 words: hood of his car
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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