JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
