I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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