and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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