i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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