so that wasnt chicken after all
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
