Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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