i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
