Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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