he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
