it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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