the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
