why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
