your room smells of hookers.
And success
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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