AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize