What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
