theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
