I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My liver just had a heart attack.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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