OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
