I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
