So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
