last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
