hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
