wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
