forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize