i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
