Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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