I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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