I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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