accomplished twins. life is a go
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize