My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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