hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
