my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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