I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
