There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
