i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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