First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize