As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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