i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
