His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
