I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
