After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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