i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize