LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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