im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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