My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
