i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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