It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think people are normalizing furries
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
