i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
