Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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