i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There's always time for handjobs
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
