after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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