Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
