The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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