I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm at about main and main street
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
