This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
