Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
