Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize