I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
