got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
