You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish my penis had an off switch
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
