I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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