I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
organizing the empties. That sober.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
