put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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