The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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