What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
