i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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