capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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