i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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