puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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