You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
