no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
