I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
