I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
