i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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