a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
