you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
