I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
