she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
