I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
