A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
