I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize