I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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