I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
