I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
