Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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