Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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