So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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