Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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